You can call him Al

If Albert Pujols is going to be a shell of himself, we might as well call him Al instead of Albert.  Think about the song by Paul Simon…

A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now

Okay, Al may not be soft in the middle per say, but he’s certainly soft in the middle of the Angels lineup.

Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard

We’d like to know why you’re so soft too, Al.  The rest of your life is going to be hard?  Not with the kind of cash you’re making – now your life on the baseball field… well, we shall see.

I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption

A walk off hit yesterday would have gone a long way toward both.

Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard

Too late...

Image borrowed from:  The Jert Blog

Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

Well... Al, we are not amused with the lack of production in key moments of a game.  This is not the Albert Pujols we thought we were getting.  The “dogs” in the moonlight – are you and Josh Hamilton who aren’t living up to expectations.  The media here is soft, but every now and then they might nip at your heels...if you want them away from you - start producing.

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

Mark Trumbo has done everything he can to protect you… but I don’t think you should call him Betty.  Now, about being called “Al;” I’m all for that.

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little span of attention
And wo my nights are so long

Focus bro; focus.  See the ball; hit the ball.  Got it?

Where's my wife and family?

I hope they’re not back in St. Louis.  I hope that distraction has been resolved.  Just saying.

What if I die here?

Well… you’re killing us, Al.

Who'll be my role-model
Now that my role-model is
Gone Gone

You mean Torii?  Yeah, we miss him too.

He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

The only hints and allegations around here about whether or not you should be on the DL and although some people question your actual age – I’m not going there.

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

Again, talk to Mark Trumbo.

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man

I know this hitting .250ish is a strange new world for you.  We don’t like it much either.  Something has to give.

He is surrounded by the sound
The sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen and Hallelujah!

Umm… those are Angel fans.  Most haven’t taken to booing you just yet… and I for one, would never do that – but the natives are getting restless.

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

  

You got it, Al.  You’re Al to me until Albert reappears.