Jeff Mathis makes me laugh

When I say the name Jeff Mathis how do you react? Do your eyes roll back in your head and you feel like you might pass out? Does your brow furrow and your lips get tight? Profanities start flying from your lips?

Has there ever been a player in the Angels organization who evoked more emotion and passion (usually the angry kind) than Jeff Mathis? I don’t think so; not even Mo Vaughn or Jose Guillen made an Angel fan as crazy as Mathis does.

Many have tried to understand what it is that makes Mike Scioscia so pro-Mathis and all have failed to grasp what makes Scioscia continue to write his name into a lineup on any given day. I venture to guess that we could summon the most brilliant minds in science and engineering and even they would be perplexed.

Sam Miller of the Orange County Register did a guest appearance on the Baseball Prospectus’ web site and took a stab and trying to make sense of it all. Miller sheds some light on the issue, but I would venture to guess that even he would admit that this whole Scioscia/Mathis relationship is of the great mysteries of our time.

So… what do us as fans do about this? Laugh? Cry?

If you don’t know whether or laugh or cry when you see Jeff Mathis on the field, I invite you to laugh and perhaps this blog post will help you do exactly that. Besides, laughing is therapeutic.

Here are my thoughts (many of them totally random) on Jeff Mathis. None of these thoughts are based in science or metaphysics or the supernatural or anything else that you can put a finger on. They’re simply a compilation of the various thoughts that run through my head whenever I think of Mathis. It’s my way of amusing myself; because the alternative is a path to insanity.

So without further ado, here we go…

I’d really like to see Mike Scioscia try to explain why he plays Jeff Mathis to Judge Judy. I have to believe Scioscia would get his lunch handed to him by Judy. I can picture here shaking a finger at Mike, can’t you? The exchange would certainly be funnier than those Howard’s ads we hear on the radio.

Batting practice isn’t practice for Mathis – it’s an exercise in futility.

Two words players in the outfield never hear when Mathis takes batting practice… “Head’s up.”

Two words that are never used in conjunction with a Mathis at-bat… “Clutch hit.”

Good news; bad news. Good news – Mathis is hitting higher than his career batting average. Bad news – he’s only hitting .216

Years after Jeff Mathis is done playing baseball… none of this will be funny. And the Mendoza Line will be replaced with the Mathis line. FYI: The Mendoza Line takes its name from the shortstop Mario Mendoza's lifetime batting average of .215. It is baseball slang for the threshold of incompetent hitting. AngelsWin’s Steve Haston got this one right – check out his article here.

Jeff Mathis swings a bat like Charlie Brown kicks a football; however, unlike Charlie Brown (by way of Lucy), Mathis has no one to blame but himself.

When Jeff Mathis comes to bat with the game on the line, the Rally Monkey goes home.

Jeff Mathis probably won’t hit his weight (200) this season. Heck, he might not hit Alexi Amarsita’s weight (150).

If Mathis’ bat had On-Star it would never get activated because there has to be some sort of impact/contact for that to happen.

When Jeff Mathis was a kid, he hated going to birthday parties that had piñatas. Why? Do you really need to ask? Think about how you get the candy out of those things.

When I think about the Mathis/Scioscia relationship, I think of the old TV show - “Courtship of Eddie’s father.” Watch the clip below and tell me you can’t picture Mike and Jeff together. G’head.



I’m willing to bet that even Mathis’ mother doesn’t think he’s good enough for the major leagues. Face it, he has a game that only… well, Mike Scioscia can love.

Mike Scioscia is so enamored with Mathis that if he were a judge on Dancing with the Stars and Mathis was a contestant, Scioscia would be making comparisons between Mathis and Fred Astaire.

Jeff Mathis makes up for his lack of offense with his inability to throw out runners. Wait, how does that work?

Imagine Jeff Mathis as a peanut vendor – the peanuts would never reach their destination; fans sitting two sections over would find a bag of peanuts landing in their lap; beers would be knocked from the hands of thirsty fans and little kids would have to wear helmets.

Mathis’ arm is so bad, he couldn’t even throw out the kids who do the on-the-field “steal-third” promotion at Angel games.

Let’s just say that Jeff Mathis’ arm is so bad; he can’t even throw in the towel.

I’m telling you he’s so bad that there is actually a conspiracy among the other 13 teams in the American League to keep him in the lineup. Watch this clip of Ian Kinsler at mlb.com telling the world that Mathis is the hardest player for him to steal against. It blows my mind and Kinsler should get an Oscar for that acting job, don’t you think? By the way, this is one more reason for me to hate Kinsler. Just saying.

CSI has investigated Jeff Mathis’ playing time and they’re dumbfounded. One thing they did agree on; it’s a crime that Mathis wears a major league uniform.

NCIS also investigated and came to the same conclusions with this added observation… he should never be allowed to throw hand grenades for obvious reasons.

When Jeff Mathis comes into a game, Angel fans start dialing 911 on their cell phones.

Seeing Jeff Mathis in the lineup makes about as much sense as one of Charlie Sheen’s rants.

The best thing about an off day is that we are assured that Mathis won’t be in the lineup.

One more bit to share… and this isn’t a rant, but a little nickname I have for Mathis. If you’re a Mathis apologist, relax – it’s nothing derogatory – it’s something I imagine ESPN’s Chris Berman would say… Now batting… Jeff “English isn’t my favorite subject, but Math-is.”

And on that note… I say, bring on the Yankees.

Morales is gone, but it's Jeff Mathis that must go

I was sitting in the stands last night watching the Angels and the White Sox when I heard something on the radio that didn’t sound too good. It was all kind of fuzzy because I wasn’t really focused on what was being said. When I finally got wind of the news that Kendry Morales was going to miss the 2011 season, my heart just sunk. I felt like someone just punched me in the stomach.

When I caught my breath, a million things raced through my mind… Will he ever play again? Wow, I’m glad we have Mark Trumbo. And then, I began to think of players who might be available via a trade for one reason or another. Albert Pujols? Prince Fielder? Crazy talk, right? Both long shots at best. 514 Fanatic - Terry (who was sitting behind me) threw out David Wright as a possibility. Hmmm.

My mind was all over the place and my mind wandered all game long. Who would the Angels have to give up to acquire someone? Better not be Mike Trout, I thought.

And then it hit me.

Once again the Angels were in need of a “big bat.” It seems like every year it comes down to this “big bat” thing, doesn’t it? I thought back to the off season and how Tony Reagins claimed getting Morales back was like signing a big time free agent. So much for that… I thought.

Something else hit me when the Angels entered the tenth after giving up a two-run lead in the 9th and I began to think of who could come off the bench to hit. Reggie Willits was already in the game and the other options didn’t offer much hope. I began to focus on the depth or should I say lack of depth the team had. The bench last night consisted of Alexi Amarista, Willits, Bobby Wilson and gulp… Jeff Mathis.

It was at that moment that I wanted to scream.

There’s no way the Angels can afford to carry three catchers for the rest of the year. Jeff Mathis has to go. He’s a human sink hole and he’s going to suck the life out of the offense and the joy out of Angel fans. He’s just painful to watch.

Tuesday night Mark Trumbo came up to bat on two occasions where a runner was on second base and first base was open. Mathis was in the on-deck circle. In each case, the White Sox intentionally walked Trumbo to face Mathis. You know what happened next…. Mathis’ ineptness has never been as obvious as it was Tuesday night. He is a glaring weakness and the Angels can’t afford such things any longer.

Last night, I had to wonder if things could get any worse. We had the devastating news about Morales, the Angels blew a lead and Jeff Mathis was still on this team.

Now, about that blown lead; I don’t expect Jordan Walden to save every game he enters, but I will be honest with you when I say that if I never see Kevin Jespen again, I won’t be disappointed. I have never understood the fascination with this guy. He hasn’t shown me much and I really hate the idea of him wearing Troy Percival’s #40. I just don’t think Jespen is a major league level relief pitcher at this point; at least not in key situations.

Look, the Oakland A’s and Texas Rangers aren’t going away. These two teams are going to be in the hunt all season long and it’s going to be an out and out dog fight. The margin for error is small and after the Morales news, it got even smaller. When your bench consists of two smurfs (Amarista and Willits), a guy who hardly ever plays (Wilson) and the human sink hole (you know who) you’re in trouble.

Bobby Abreu, Torii Hunter and Vernon Wells aren’t getting any younger. They’re going to need a break every now and then and this bench isn’t going to give the Angels a whole lot of wiggle room. Wells is already on the DL and if Abreu and/or Hunter get hurt, it’s really going to get ugly.

Something has to happen and it has to happen soon. Like yesterday. I don't want to wait and see what this team can do without Morales (not that I have any control over it); instead, I'd rather see them do something proactively to get better.

The team has a solid pitching staff and a bull pen that’s capable of getting the job done. I’d even venture to say that this rotation is a championship quality rotation. The Angels need to capitalize on the pitching they have and put an offense together that will allow them to compete into October.

The post-season is along ways off; however, I don't want to lose sight of October in May.

Checking in

The 2011 baseball season is 41 days old today and when the day is done, I will have seen 20 games (in person), including trips to Kansas City and Arlington. Cheryl has been with me for all but one of those games. We’ve already seen more games than most sane people do in a year.

I recognize that we may be a little crazy. Then again fan is short for “fanatical” and if we are anything, we are just that – fanatical.

Next week, while the Angels are away Cheryl and I will make our first ever trip to see the Inland Empire 66ers as guests of the team for a special “Bloggers night.” If you’ve never been to a minor league baseball game, you should give it a try; it’s very fan and family friendly and a ton of fun.

So, here we are on May 10, the Angels are in first place and it’s time to check in. I know I’ve written several posts, but today is all about really checking in, taking stock, reflecting and just chatting in general.

We’ve seen a lot of stuff and taken a lot of mental notes along the way. First of all, it’s absolutely awesome to see the Angels a top of the Western Division. Even though it’s early, it’s still nice just the same.

I’ve noticed quite a few things in my first 41 days of the season; including things I didn’t expect to see and things I’ve never seen before.

So far… we’ve seen Peter Bourjos hit two stand-up triples in a single game. We saw Dan Haren throw a one-hitter and Alexi Amarista and Tyler Chatwood make their major league debuts. We’ve seen more of Hank Conger than we ever thought we would (and that’s a good thing) and we’ve seen Mark Trumbo make an early case for Rookie of the Year honors. We’ve seen Jered Weaver take the next step in what is shaping up to be a tremendous career and Mike Scioscia even managed a milestone of his own with his 1,000 win as a manager (although we missed that).

We thought we’d have seen Kendrys Morales on the field by now and now we have no idea when we will have that pleasure. We didn’t expect to see Vernon Wells hit below .200 and now he’s hit the disabled list. We’ve seen more than enough of Scott Kazmir, but he’s sure to show up again at some point in time.

Along the way, we’ve celebrated our birthdays at the stadium (the Angels lost both games), eaten a few hotdogs, met Angels alums Eli Grba, Albie Pearson, Bob Lee, Roger Repoz, Moose Stubing and Scott Lewis for the first time and got reacquainted with Mark Langston, Troy Percival, Rod Carew Chuck, Finley, Bob Boone, Rex Hudler, Tim Salmon and Shigetoshi Hasegawa as well.

Sadly, we’ve lost a few 514 Fanatics this year – as some of them did not renew their tickets for one reason or another. Our section has been a little less festive and even those that returned haven’t been around as much as in years past. We seemed to be a little more spread out; however, it hasn't stopped us from making the best of the times at the ball park.

Cheryl has been busy baking and bringing cupcakes and other goodies to share with our neighbors in the stands. Other fanatics have brought goodies of their own from time to time and even though are numbers have dwindled, we are never lacking for food and fellowship in 514.

Baseball games at Angels' stadium are much more than just baseball games for us. We get to spend time with friends, family, etc. Over the years we’ve seen fanatics get married, have children, celebrate milestones, birthdays and even pass away. The experiences are not limited to what happens on the field for us and quite frankly, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

We never know what's going to happen at a game; be it on the field or off. Last night we learned that fellow fanatics Jeff and Lena are expecting their second child. Looks like their son Elijah is going to have a sibling in October. I guess there's more than one way to recruit new fanatics!

The Hot Stove Season is officially cooking

I’ve had a lot of time to think about what the Angels might do this off season and even more time thinking about what I would do. Somewhere between the two is the master plan to rule baseball for generations to come. Okay, maybe not…

In all seriousness, I do expect the Angels to do something unexpected.

Most scenarios being discussed revolve around signing Carl Crawford and/or Adrian Beltre (two signings I believe will happen). If they do those two things, I’m just not sure it will be enough.

I have a plan. I know, I know, you’re thinking here comes another hair brain idea from a fan. Hold on and don’t be so quick to judge. I promise you that I won’t throw out some whacked out idea that has Albert Pujols coming to Anaheim for Juan Rivera. My proposal has some merit and if you let me explain my rational maybe, just maybe it will make sense.

Howie Kendrick is expendable. Whoa. What? “Future batting champ” Howie? Yes. The way I see it, Alberto Callaspo can play 2B and do just as good a job, if not better. Compare their statistics. Kendrick had a better OPS (.721) to Callaspo’s 674 OPS. However, their career OPS numbers (Callaspo .720/Kendrick .752) are close.

Here’s the thing - Callaspo struck out just 42 times compared to Kendrick’s 94 K’s. Callaspo is one of the toughest hitters to fan in baseball. He has better bat control.

Ding. The bell just went off in your head, didn’t it? You see it now, don’t you? Callaspo is Mike Scoscia’s kind of player.

Look, the Angels have been waiting for Howie Kendrick to become the #2 hitter they need; however, he has failed to embrace that role. Why not put the guy who is better suited for that role in the #2 spot? I believe Callaspo is the perfect #2 hitter.

But… Howie has more power right? Nope. They each hit 10 homeruns last year.

Hear me out. Callaspo and Kendrick are both 27 years old (Callaspo is a few months older). Kendrick has more service time and made $1.75 million to Callaspo’s $460,000. The way I see it, Callaspo is just as good and is cheaper.

Besides, the Angels have a plethora of middle infielders who can serve as backup. Maicer “The Tin Man” Izturis and Kevin Frandsen can fill that role. Plus, the Angels have organizational depth here with Alexi Amarista and Jean Segura in the minors and playing well. Someone has to go! Who has more appeal in a trade? Howie Kendrick does, that’s who. He’s got that “P” thing going for him. You know the “potential” thing? I’m sure there’s a team out there who would love to take Howie in a deal.

What team? I’m glad you asked. I’m thinking the Washington Nationals as possible trade partners. And no, I’m not trying to suggest they trade Stephen Strasburg or Bryce Harper to the Angels. The way I see it, the Nationals have an abundance of outfielders. They have Mike Morse, Nyjer Morgan, Josh Willingham, Roger Bernadina, prospects Justin Maxwell and Harper. They also have Willie Harris who plays just about everywhere (but is also a free agent).

What they don’t have is a second baseman. Adam Kennedy’s option was declined and they’re in the market for a middle infielder (with apologies to Danny Espinosa).

I’m proposing a Howie Kendrick for Roger Bernadina trade. Bernadina is a 26 year old left handed hitting player who can play all three outfield positions. He has moderate power (11 homeruns in 414 AB’s), stole 16 bases and plays exceptional defense.

I see Bernadina as the new Angels right fielder.

What about Torii Hunter, you ask?

I’m glad you asked because here’s where things get interesting. I would not be surprised to see Hunter back in CF next year. Which begs yet another question, right? What about Peter Bourjos.

I’m a huge Bourjos fan, but I have a feeling that his .204 batting average and .237 OBP is going to keep him from being handed the everyday CF job going into the 2011 season. I just don’t think the Angels will be willing to be patient with him and will look for a more immediate solution. Which makes my idea of a Crawford, Hunter, Bernadina outfield seem plausible.

There’s also the Mike Trout factor. Trout is considered by many to be the best prospect in all of baseball and he also happens to be a centerfielder. While I know it’s easy to get caught up in the hype that comes with that kind of tag, I don’t think it’s unrealistic to believe that Trout could be on the big league roster by 2012.

If you buy into what people like Keith Law of ESPN or Jim Callis of Baseball America are saying, then it’s reasonable to believe he will arrive sooner rather than later.

Do the math.

Hunter has two years left on his contract. Trout is on his way and he and Bourjos play the same position. If the Angels sign Carl Crawford something has to give eventually. It’s conceivable that Bourjos will become a fourth outfielder or traded. Like it or not, Bourjos is somewhat expendable.

Now don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t mind seeing a Crawford, Bourjos, Hunter outfield; in fact, like most fans, I love the idea. However, this team is in desperate need of offense and in order to contend for a World Series title, big changes have to be made. The Angels can’t afford to carry a .200 hitter going into the 2011 season (yes, this also applies to Jeff Mathis).

Let’s not forget that 2011 will be the Angels’ 50th Anniversary. Expect a big splash and bold moves. I have to believe that Arte Moreno isn’t going to settle for another season like the one we all just endured.

Besides, I’m trying to think outside the box here.

So with that in mind, know this - Jeff Mathis is done. Wishful thinking? Perhaps, but consider this – Mathis only saw 39 AB’s in the last month of the season (including a couple days in October). I think this means something. The popular belief is that Mike Napoli is on his way out because Mike Scioscia seems to prefer Mathis for his defensive skills.

Well, I’m throwing that idea out the window based on his diminished playing time at the end of the season. I also don’t need to remind Angel fans that Mathis hit a putrid .195 with a .219 OBP. Like Bourjos, I don’t believe the Angels can afford to carry Mathis on their opening day roster; at least not as the everyday catcher.

I believe the Angels would like to trade Mathis, but that’s truly wishful thinking. Look for Mathis to be non-tendered and released. I see a Mike Napoli/Bobby Wilson tandem behind the plate in 2011.

If you’re thinking Hank Conger will be on the 25 man roster next April, think again. He was released from his Venezuelan team because of his lack of hitting. He’s going to start the year at AAA again.

I know this idea of Napoli staying in Anaheim is outside the popular opinion, but the way I see it the trade market for catchers is slim while the free agent market is booming. Teams looking to add a catcher have Victor Martinez, Miguel Olivo, John Buck, Ramon Hernandez, Rod Barajas, Yorvit Torrealba, and others to look at in the free agent market. Mark it down – Mike Napoli is not going to be traded.

Juan Rivera on the other hand will be dealt for pennies on the dollar. Even though Rivera’s contract is affordable to a lot of teams ($5.25 million), moving him will be difficult, but necessary. I could see a trade to Colorado for utility man Clint Barmes. Rivera could become their right fielder and even spell Todd Helton at first base once in a while.

Colorado could also be the kind of change in scenery or should I say altitude that Rivera needs. Another possible destination could be St. Louis where he could platoon with John Jay (a left handed hitter).

Now, about that bull pen…. Well, if you’re looking at Rafael Soriano, I suggest you look elsewhere. The Angels haven’t had much luck dipping into the free agent market when it comes to relievers. Think about Justin Speier, Brian Fuentes and Fernando Rodney. Not a pretty picture, huh?

I believe they are more likely to trade for a short term solution rather than signing someone to a multi-year deal. The Angels will have Rodney, Kevin Jepsen, Jordan Walden, Michael Kohn, Jason Bulger and most likely either Rich Thompson or Matt Palmer in the pen. While there isn’t a definitive closer in the bunch per say, it’s possible that any one of Walden, Jepsen or Kohn could emerge in that role. I suppose that even Rodney is a possibility.

And there you have it. The ranting of a mad man or the insightful opinion of a long time fan. You decide. Chances are no one will see what’s coming and the Angels will baffle us all.

In the mean time – it’s fun to speculate; after all, the Hot Stove Season is officially open for business.