November 5, 2009

Got ear plugs?

It was nice while it lasted; real nice.

We had gone nearly nine years since the Yankees last won a World Series and during that time we could say with confidence that “you just can’t buy a championship” and that Alex Rodriguez was the biggest “post season choker of all time.” It was the best of times.

Last night, all of that changed and baseball as we know it may never be the same. The period between 2001 and 2009 will now be referred to as the good ol’ days and I couldn’t be more irritated.

I hate the Oakland A’s, but the last team I ever wanted to see win a World Series this year or any year was the New York Yankees. The A’s are the Angels’ divisional rivals, but the Yankees are basically public enemy #1.

Now, it’s as if all is lost. Pfffft. Gone.

The reign of terror is about to begin. If you thought Yankee fans were obnoxious before all of this; you ain’t seen nothing yet. They’ll be coming out of the wood work now, dawning crisp new Yankee caps and World Series t-shirts. They’ll have smug looks on their faces and their voices will be louder than ever. They will be in your stadium and mine. Nothing any of us can say or do will shut them up now. Instead of acting like they’ve been here (celebrating a championship) before, they will act like they never left.

We are all going to be made to suffer. It isn’t going to be pretty. Soon we’ll be reading about how the Yankees are on the verge of a dynasty. Congress will view the Yankees as an important business and divert tax payer money and stimulus payments to their payroll.

We’ll hear about how brilliant Brian Cashman is and he’ll be put in charge of the Federal Reserve. They will expound how deep down inside, everyone supposedly wants to be a Yankee – even Jonathan Papelbon. Nick Swisher will get his own sports talk show (but lose his job in RF next year to a healthy Xavier Nady).

The Supreme Court will rule that LeBron James is the property of the New York Knicks because he’s a Yankee fan. Billy Crystal will be inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame because he’s a Yankee fan. John Sterling will become the voice of every commercial in America.

Yankee fans will invade sports talk radio and internet message boards across the country where they will begin to propose lopsided trades netting them Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer, Roy Halladay and even Cliff Lee (who they’ll say isn’t good enough to crack their rotation, but will be a nice bull pen guy) and they will actually get their way.

Our computers will be spammed with pop up ads saying, “Yankees rule and your team sucks.” Microsoft will be come a Yankee asset and Warren Buffet will become a private investor in the club.

Matt Holliday will wear pinstripes next year and some how, some way, Major League Baseball will steal the all-star game away from the Angels and move it to New York. The Yankees won’t have to play any road games and they will actually receive revenue sharing from small market teams. Only Yankee games will be broadcasted to the public and Christmas will only come to New York.

We will pay for their victory, we will most definitely pay.

I guess there are worse things that could happen, right? Anyone? Please? Oh what the heck… congratulations New York, but know this; we’ll get you next year.

1 comment:

  1. And I thought I took the Yankees winning hard...

    David Chalk at Bugs & Cranks is giving up on baseball all-togehter.