I’ve been a good boy. Okay, I admit I’ve said a few foul things about the Oakland A’s, Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon and a few others. I guess I showed poor form when I said John Lackey was dead to me after he signed with the stinkin’ Red Sox. Oops, did I say stinking? Sorry about that.
No really, I’ve been so good, that I don’t even need anything for myself. My wish is for the Angels to land a top of the rotation pitcher. I know it’s a tall task, but I’ve heard your elves do some pretty amazing things. I mean Sony, Apple and the like have nothing on your dudes.
And just to show you I'm not unreasonable, your posse doesn’t even have to build one. You can just go get one. You see, there’s this guy in Florida named Josh Johnson and he’d look really good in an Angels' uniform. I’m just saying…
I might also suggest an alternative by way of Dan Haren in Arizona. I’d be willing to overlook the fact that he played for the A’s at one time. I’m accommodating that way, don’t you know?
Then there’s this super pitcher in Kansas City named Zach Greinke. If you put him on the Angels, he’d probably think he was the one getting the gift. You’d get double points on that deal. Think about it; I mean talk about win-win.
Look, people have been trying to push you out of the spotlight for quite some time now. You don’t even hear people saying “Merry Christmas” very often. I mean come on dude, helping the Angels out could really give you some good PR. You’d be bigger than Mickey Mouse. You might even get invited to Letterman.
Heck, they might even make a movie about you instead of that Grinch character. I mean you have much nicer skin than he does and everyone likes a jolly guy more than a grouch.
And think about this; the Angels owner Arte Moreno is in the billboard business. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Imagine your picture plastered along side every freeway from here to the North Pole. Boo-ya. You’re liking this aren’t you?
Now, I know this request is coming to you at the last minute and you’re probably already air born, but I figured you might check your blackberry or iphone now and then. Isn’t technology awesome? By the way, do you have a twitter account? I’d love to follow you because I bet you could tell us some crazy stories, but I digress.
Back to my request. Remember it’s not about me; it’s about the Angels. Okay, maybe I get a little bit of a benefit out of this as well; after all, I am an Angels fan. But don’t think about me here; think of the kids, Santa. It’s all about the kids. Think of how their little faces would light up if they learned that next year’s opening day starter was going to be Justin Verlander or a healthy Brandon Webb.
Seriously, tis the season for dreaming really, really big, I say and that doesn’t mean C.C. Sabathia. Not that the idea of him in Anaheim would be a bad one, mind you. It’s just that he’s probably right where he belongs and when I say “big” – I’m thinking a marquee kind of pitcher and not necessarily one that’s physically big.
Are you feeling me yet? I mean come on – Christmas came early for Seattle and even earlier for the White Sox when they got Jake Peavy. By the way, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that one. Did you lose A.J. Pierzynski’s check list? No way, that guy was good all year and yet he gets to catch Peavy. Go figure.
I’m telling you Santa we can regain your market share during this time of the year, but you need to work with me. Remember, the Angels wear the same color as you do and I’m fine if you want to make this a “red” thing. That way, no one can accuse you of playing favorites.
I guess I’d better get some sleep now. My wife Cheryl put some cookies out for you. They’re homemade and trust me, they’ll better than anything you will find in a Red Sox or Yankee household, guaranteed bro.
Thanks and Merry Christmas, big guy.
December 24, 2009