It's the end of the world as we know it

The recession must be over. It just has to be. Why else would the Angels hand Jeff Mathis a 30 per cent raise? Yeah, that’s right – the Angels came to terms with Jeff Mathis on a 2011 contract, avoiding arbitration. Mathis goes from earning $1.3 million to $1.7 million. Wait, did I say "earning?"

It’s mind boggling.

How bad is Jeff Mathis? Well, I don’t want to rehash how bad he is statistically. I’ve already done that. Heck, a ton of people have done that. It’s not pretty. To say he’s one of the worst players from an offensive stand point in the history of baseball (with 900+ at bats) is not an under-statement at all.

Let me put it to you the best way I know how.

How bad is Jeff Mathis?

If he was standing on a one-lane highway with a truck coming at him, he wouldn’t be able to hit it with a bat.

He could be in a canoe in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and not be able to hit the water with a rock. If the canoe tipped over, he wouldn’t even get wet. In other words, Jeff Mathis couldn’t be Tony Reagin’s “big splash” even in this scenario.

He’s so bad; he couldn’t catch a fly with dog poop.

His career batting average is only slightly better than that of the peanut vendor or any other vendor in any stadium in the world. In fact, your average peanut has a better batting average than he does.

Even his on base percentage (OBP) is horrible; especially his 2010 OBP (.219). How bad? Glad you asked.

Tommy John could still get Jeff Mathis out. In fact, Dr. Frank Jobe who did the “Tommy John surgery” could get Mathis out. Heck, Bob Feller could still get Jeff Mathis out and Feller passed away last year.

Like I said earlier. the recession must be over. Either that, it's the end of the world as we know it.

I really don’t know what else to say. Excuse me while I visit my human resources department to talk about instituting a similar system for merit increases. Do you think they’ll laugh at me when I give them this example?