Miracle in Minnesota. Oldest living man hits a triple

Jim Thome is about 115 years old. He hadn’t hit a triple since 2004; that is until June 28th of this year when he hit one against the Detroit Tigers. One would think the chances of him hitting a second triple in one season had to be about as likely as Reggie Willits hitting his first homerun. We’re talking long odds and slim chances.

It was darn near impossible to consider such a feat; unless of course, Juan Rivera happened to be playing left field and Thome decided to hit one… say in the direction of the man I’ve come to call a Tub of Goo.

I didn’t see it happen, but I had a very vivid picture in my head as Terry Smith of AM830 made the call. The ball went skipping off Rivera’s glove and if it had lips it would have been laughing all the way to the wall as Jim Thome, the 115 year old DH (okay he’s really a week away from his 40th birthday) went chugging into third for his second triple of the year. It wasn’t just his second triple this year; it was his second triple in nearly six years. SIX YEARS!!

It’s a good thing I wasn’t watching this on T.V. because there’s a chance I would have picked up the nearest object and flung it at the tube. Instead, I was listening to the call on the radio while driving, which was probably a heck of a lot more dangerous. A lesser man would have driven their car off the road or into a tree. How I managed to stay cool is beyond me. It could have been ugly.

Imagine having to explain what happened to a Highway Patrolman. I’m sure all I would have to do is utter the name Juan… and before I could even say his last name, the officer would say “never mind sir, I totally understand.” Heck, he’d probably give me a police escort all the way to the funny farm.

I can hear him now. “Lock him up boys, another victim of listening to the call of a fly ball hit to Juan Rivera while driving.” Friends shouldn’t let friends drive while Rivera is in a ball game.

Juan, Juan, Juan. Oh how you test me. You’ve made me come up with new ways of saying the word “stink.” Words like putrid and horrific fly off my tongue like they can’t wait to leave my mouth. Luckily I don’t swear, but I swear you make me want to in the worst way.

Rivera has some sort of super hero like powers. He can single handedly destroy the euphoria of a victory that came less than 24 hours ago.

I wish the Juan Rivera story ended here, but there was more (of course). Rivera, major league outfielder that he is, also lost a ball in the grey sky that ended up landng a good 30 feet behind him. That one left me speechless.

I know... I know I’m being too harsh, right? Wrong. Juan Rivera may not have lost the game, but he sure made the defeat all the more painful. He’s good that way.

Speaking of good; what good is Dan Haren? Haren is sporting a 4.55 ERA. And the man the Angels traded for Haren? Well, good ol’ Joe Saunders has a 4.24 ERA since going to Arizona. Neither is lighting it up, but let's not forget that Joe was Cheryl and my favorite.

I’m not a math guy, but even I can see that Haren is kind of picking up where he left off in Arizona and that’s not a good thing. Here’s some more math for you. Dan Haren is making $8.25 million this year. Compare that to Saunders’ $3.7 million. Wait, it gets better – Haren will make $12.75 million next year and that same amount again in 2012. Saunders will most likely have to go to arbitration to get a slight increase in his salary.

And to think some people actually wonder why I’m cranky this year. It’s one thing to take Cheryl and my favorite pitcher away from us, but it’s another to replace him with someone who doesn’t appear to be any better and costs the team a boat load more money.

I know the experts all loved this trade and because they love it so much, I even tried to justify it in my head; all the while hating to see Saundo leave. Well now, I'm getting grumpy.

Danny Boy; it’s time you started to show me something. The honeymoon is over and it’s time for you to live up to the hype. Cheryl and I even bought shirts with your name on it. Don’t make us regret that decision more than we already do. We wanted to show our support. Don't make us want to show you the door.

These are not good times. I’m just saying.