Tap, tap - no bunting

I’m trying to picture what Chris Perez; the Cleveland Indians’ closer was like as a kid on a school yard playground. I’m betting he was one of those kids who did a lot of “tap, taps” in his day.

Think back to when we were kids and how we used to add rules to a game of handball by saying stuff like “tap, tap no slicies, no baby bouncers or no erasers, etc., etc. They were rules we would put in place to our own benefit; making sure to take away any advantage our opponents might have; especially if they were better at one particular component of the game than we were (not that I needed those rules mind you).

The reason I’m trying to picture Perez in this scenario is because of what he said in the after math of the Indians losing to the Angels on Wednesday when Howie Kendrick had a walk off bunt that brought Torii Hunter home for the winning run.

Perez was quoted as saying “It was a bad baseball play that happened to work out. I don't want to say it was bush league. But you never see that. Ninety-nine percent of hitters in that situation would rather win the game with a hit, not a bunt. It was a stupid play that just happened to work."

Is that insane or what? I mean you can’t make stuff like this up because no one would believe it. Perhaps Perez said that out of embarrassment. Perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

On second thought, nah; he’s just whining.

Sam Miller of the OC Register had a few more suggestions in his blog for what can and can’t be done (it’s a must read). As Miller puts it, “It’s enough to make you think the Angels simply have different motives in these games than Chris Perez!” Yup, someone needs to remind Perez that the object of the game is to score runs. You don’t get any style points in baseball.

Rob Neyer may have put it best when he wrote in his Sweet Spot blog “What's really bush league is Chris Perez's reaction.” I agree with Neyer which is further proof that Perez is simply out of touch with reality.

I mean think about what Perez might say if he could institute the “tap, tap” rules. Tap; tap no bunting, no swinging on a 3-0 count, no taking time out when you’re in the batter box, etc., etc.

Perez is a big guy. He’s 6’ 4” and goes 230 lbs. I imagine he’s never finessed anything in his life and has probably always used his size and brute strength to achieve whatever he wanted to do. I'm guessing that it must fly in the face of his manhood to have someone embarrass him with a play like the one Kendrick put on him yesterday. It’s the kind of thing that turns brutes like Perez into red faced cry babies.

One thing is for certain and is that no matter what happens from here on out, we will never see Perez in an Angels uniform. He’d never be on board with the Angels’ brand of baseball. Reminds me of some of the guys in the NBA who would much rather be on the highlight film than actually do what it takes to win a ball game.

I’m thinking I should write a book about instituting the tap, tap rules. I’m sure it would be bigger than “Moneyball.” I’m just saying.